About

My everyday thoughts and views

Profile

Name: Ivy

Nick: Ironyv

Age: 21

Gender: Female

Birthday: 30 November

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Country: Singapore

Interests: Makeup, Reading books, Reading manga, watching anime, listening to music, slacking

Links

Jazerinez

PaulSmith

XiaoBai

Interesting Links

Mumblings of Bubblemunche

The Calm One

XiaXue: The supposedly best blogger in Singapore

Blogskin

Previous Posts

Archives

Wish List

Digital Camera

To enroll into a makeup class

To go Japan to see my host family

To meet all the friends that I have been longing to meet (look below)

Meeting List

My polytechnic school mates: Jennifer, Changli, Jolene, Kiat, Grace, Sandy..etc

My Secondary School friends: Shan and Jianwei

My ex company colleagues: Kelly, Liting, YingChao

My cousins

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Monday, June 27, 2005

I broke up with my boyfriend...more like officially broke up with him today. I initiated a break up on friday but I agreed to give him a chance. But somehow, we broke up today.

Is truly an end of a chapter in my life. I am sad and disappointed that this relationship couldn't go beyond, but what I have gone through these months had made me very independent and stronger in person. I know I will get over the whole relationship faster than him, which to me, I really feel guilty for doing this to him. But I really see no point in hanging on to a relationship that I've deemed dying...or even dead.

Maybe I am really heartless, but I guessed I am just numb. Very numb...but when night comes, my mind will run wild and I feel the pain of the loss of a long relationship...

I am tired...and I think I need time to replenish my energy levels...heard from my sisters and friends that I look and act tired and listless recently...sigh...

ironyv at Monday, June 27, 2005


Saturday, June 04, 2005

I wanted to write a long post on what I have been watching recently; Da Chang Jing, which is a Korean drama on a young girl in those historic times and her story. But I couldn't muster up strength to get it written. It is too long!!!

And what's making it difficult for me is my shoulders. I've just went for a Swedish message in Elements today and though I have to admit, the massage was good, my shoulders are practically breaking now. It feels like I have just done weights on them and now they hurt like hell. I guess my shoulders must have been under so much tension, that the lady who attended to me had to knead it hard to release the stress built up on my shoulders.

But now, it hurts so badly, I have a hard time moving it. I hope it will be better tomorrow though. Anyway, the massage was good, thus I shared a package deal with my boyfriend. Thus, we have another 5 sessions per person each!! Can't wait to go for the next one after my exams!

The Great Singapore Sale, aka GSS IS HERE!!!! Why am I not working?!?! Why am I a poor student now?!?! I can't even afford to spend luxuriously! T_T

But I managed to buy 2 tops for myself yesterday at the Topshop relaunch party. F3 members (equivilent to Topshop members) gets to have 20% off all regular priced items! So yah, I brought Jennifer and my sister in to share the 20% joy!! Jennifer bought a top while my sister..*coughs* bought some nice undies..hehe...*coughs* I bought a top for my friend too, who had seen that top when we went into Topshop 2 weeks ago. I told her I didn't bring my card to enjoy the usual 10% off. Thus, it was a surprise that Topshop Wisma had a 20% off for members! hehe...hope she is happy with the top...

And while walking towards Elements for my massage, my boyfriend and I went into Topshop Wisma today and we bought a T-shirt for him...and it's 15% off for today!!

Well, I just have to wait for the following year when I've started working!!! Thats when my hard earned money will all be spent!!! MUHAHAHAH!!!!

I love shopping!~~~~~~~ ^____^

But this retail therapy is necessary...because I am having my exams in 2 week's time!!! T_T sigh...Wish me luck!~ ^__^

ironyv at Saturday, June 04, 2005


Friday, May 20, 2005

T_T...My Starhub refuse to work with me...Right now, it has been...3 days since I can log in to my MSN Messanger...and I can't download ANYTHING at all from bittorent...I wonder is it just my home connection or the fact that Starhub may be restricting downloads...

Anyway, I have just submitted a group project assignment today. I was the leader for that group assignment, so there was a lot of work for me to do. Well, I managed to pass it through, something I am quite happy with. But this assignment developed something bad in me; DARK EYE CIRLES!! When I saw myself in the mirror today, I went OMG!! What happened!! You can see the dark eye cirles so thoroughly and it is scary.

This proves how much sleep I had everyday. So I am desperate to sleep early today..haha...

ironyv at Friday, May 20, 2005


Sunday, May 08, 2005

sigh....PROJECT MONTH!! Have to hand in like 3 major group projects within this month..sigh...ganbantte ne!!~~

ironyv at Sunday, May 08, 2005


Thursday, April 28, 2005

I've decided to write on these two related issues because I am feeling low yesterday and today. The irony is that although I stand tall at 1.71m, I have a very low esteem. One insult, one discriminating stare, every month's PMS will reduce me into a depressed wreck.

Why yesterday and today? Well, it all started yesterday when I was conducting a subject's project meeting. I was the leader of the group, although I wasn't supposed to be. For all the group projects, it was usually my other group mate that headed the group. It so happened that for this semester, we are grouped together for 2 units; Strategic Marketing and Advertising 211.

My group mate, call her A, was a good leader. She headed the Strategic Marketing project which was a rather demanding project. Thus, for Advertising 211, she suggested to B and I to have either one of us as the Ad211 leader. I volunteered.

I volunteered because B and I had another group project for Media Planning and I reckoned that Ad211 would be less demanding than Media Planning. It was rather selfish for me to choose Ad211 rather than Media Planning. And I got my retribution for that...

The first meeting for Ad211 was uneventful. I was supposed to head the project meeting but it seemed that A was leading it instead of me. I was rather okay about it, until the point where we were discussing on the format of the project and she suggested to place a portion in the earlier segments. B and I felt it should not be so and I tried to explain to her. A kept her silence and looking at her uncertain face, I asked her whether she understands what I was trying to say.

"Well, up to you, you are the project leader, I will just follow what you said." was her reply with a shrug.

Maybe I was too sensitive.

Maybe I was being very sensitive.

But what she said really hit a nerve in my brain. I was irritated, pissed. Why? Because she wanted one of us to be the leader, which I did. But she 'subconsciously' headed the first project meeting and after I tried to express my opinions, she shut me off with that sentence. I kept my silence because I do not know whether I overreacted. If I did, then it was ridiculous of me to shoot her back.

Thus, I tried to erase that thought away and tried to direct the group by assigning sections and information to them. Then, we had a meeting yesterday.

My dad had his birthday yesterday. Thus, I told them that I had to go off early while they continue the project discussion. We started our meeting at 5, with A, B and another mate. I was supposed to go off at 7pm, thus, I really wanted to discuss certain parts before I went off.

When we started the discussion, I noticed A was reading the Female magazine B brought for the meeting. I discreetly told her that the meeting started and she said okay. But throughout the discussion, she was reading the magazine and not contributing to the section that I was heading. Once in awhile, she would look up and listened. But she was reading the magazine the whole time I was trying to conduct the discussion.

I felt very pissed. She's not giving me any respect at all. And I was pissed with myself for keeping my mouth shut and not trying to tell her to keep her magazine and contribute. But at the same time, I was trying to figure out why is she behaving that way. Was it because she's going to head the discussion after I left and thus decided to 'time off' for awhile? Was it that I wasn't contributing enough for the other project so she was trying to show her attitude to me in this project?

I can't figure it out.

I left the group at 6.15pm because I felt weary, I felt anger in me. If I stayed on, my face would give my emotions away. Or it already gave my emotions away.

Maybe I was too sensitive. I might have been too paranoid and read too much into her actions. But I felt my ego was crushed. She didn't treat me like a leader at all. It was just a name, a shell with nothing inside.

She made me feel weak again. She made me feel so useless at myself.

It wasn't her fault, because I can choose to stand up for myself. But I couldn't. I was too weak...

She was the catalyst to the pain I am causing to myself. If I am stronger, I can stand up for myself and not be trampled on by her. I was never good at arguements and quarrels. I was bad at expressing my opinions, I wasn't sharp enough. That is why I kept my silence. Because I thought even if I spoke up, she would probably said something back that left me stumped. And I would lose even more.

Why these two issues again? Because I want to rant about myself. When I scrutinize myself, I see a weak mind. I see an ugly face. I spot the flabby areas around me.

I spotted too much weak points in myself that I drowned in self pity. I hated myself, I hated being weak, I hated everything about me. I caused my low self-esteem.

My younger sister told me that her friends and herself thinks that I am pretty. I see nothing in me at all that deserves that word.

I do have times when I am proud of myself. When I floated instead of sinking. But it isn't enough. It isn't enough to form a life buoy for me to hold on. I will still sink.

There are people who said,"Don't wallow in self-pity, do something about it! Gain back your confidence!"

Easier said than done.

I wallowed in self-pity for many years..and I am still trying to keep myself afloat. It was never easy, and I am still wallowing...

But I am still optimistic. I hope that one day, I will achieve something big that will pull me out of pity and into the sunshine. I hope one day I will bask in that sunlight instead of drowning in the darkness.

I am still looking forward to that and I hope that day will come soon.

ironyv at Thursday, April 28, 2005


Monday, April 18, 2005

Lets start with Chinese...or mandarin language. Why am I bringing this up?

Well, thats because yesterday, in one of her craze moods, my mum instructed my little sister ( who is going to polytechnic) to write her a chinese composition and to give her 17 chinese words with sample sentences or zhao ju. Yes, that is supposedly done when you are still studying in secondary school. But my mum thinks that we should improve in our mandarin and not dumping it into the river.

My little sister was pissed. She had a B3 for chinese, excuse me. But then again, she is going to polytechnic and had no interest in pursuing this language at all. Both of us are actually more interested in japanese language than chinese language. But that doesn't mean that we do not speak or read mandarin.

We do! I speak Mandarin more than English now and I read chinese translated japanese manga. My sister does that too.

It is just that Mandarin is too demanding, and if you are really intending to be a chinese language teacher, or setting a business that deals with Chinese clients, you can say goodbye to learning Mandarin.

Basic Mandarin is a must, and I do have basic knowledge in the language. But I think in the long run, English language will still be the universal language. The reason why my mum acted that way is because China market is currently the biggest market and has the largest potential. Thus, she thinks that the future customers will mostly be the Chinese and they will rather speak their native language than English.

That reminds me of something that a teacher of mine told me. She told me that in France, if you speak in English, they won't be bothered and would still speak French to you. But if you are smart, and you speak in your native language first, e.g. Mandarin, they would reply in English and see if you understand them. (This information might not be true now, but I am not sure too...)

My mum actually told us that she would also forced my elder sister and I to do chinese compositions as well. T_T...I am totally speechless, while my elder sister was irritated. Whatever!

Oh, and Singapore's going to have not one, but two casinos! Great! Good for the economy, more people will have jobs and we will have a better life. On the other hand, higher crime rates, more people dwelling into gambling world, more secret societies and more suicide rates...are casinos that necessary?

Well, in my own opinion, I think it really depends on the government. If the government does an excellent job, we can ensure that our life will be a ok. But we shouldn't just rely on just the government to tell us what to do.

Singaporeans should be proactive! I mean, really, I feel we Singaporeans always depend on the government when we need help, when we are unhappy with something, when we are in financial trouble. Somehow, we are very dependent on our government. It is not not good, but it is not good either...

And somehow, I feel Singaporeans' kiasuism is really an irritating thing. We even have advertisements that featured kiasuim! Like the NKF advertisement on donating using sms and win free gifts. I find that advertisement a really good example because it basically shows a man who was about to have his lunch picked up his phone to donate through sms because he overheard some people who say that they win some good prizes after sms-ing.

Firstly, that is a very kiasu move. Secondly, aren't you suppose to donate because you want to, because you want to help the kidney failure patients? Instead of promoting that kind of desirable behaviour, we are promoting the fact that 'got prize, then i will donate' kind of mentality. That angers me alot.

Look at the tsunami aid. That was very successful, without any prizes to offer, people still donate. But I believe after the tsunami disaster, everyone kinda felt tired of donating, thus NKF has to go through that kind of extreme. But I still dislike it. I would rather they use those money on their needy patients.

*coughs* I think I have touched on more than two topics actually..but who cares! *shrugs*

ironyv at Monday, April 18, 2005


Saturday, April 16, 2005

Got it from my friend's blog..here goes!

Name 4 books on your bookshelf:
1. Cookery and baking books. Always buy and never use..sigh..
2. My files and textbooks...
3. Perfume--> Boss Intense..Love it!~
4. Photo albums...I have no space to put them else where..lol

Name 4 VCDs in your collection:
1. Chicago~!
2. Amelie
3. Spirited Away...is an anime and I love it!
4. More animes..haha

Name 4 things on your walls:
1. Bleach manga poster
2. Wall
3. Wall
4. Wall (I actually put some MAC post cards...but my mum ask me to take them down..lol

Name 4 things in your closet:
1. Clothes in my wardrobe
2. Old files with my notes from polytechnice
3. More textbooks
4. Some handbags..yah, i kept them in my closet 'cos there is no space to put in my room..lol

Name 4 songs/CDs in your music collection (playlist or other):
1. Gackt
2. Maroon 5
3. Ayumi Hamasaki
4. Robbie Williams >__<

Name 4 real life stores you shop at regularly:
1. Tenchi...for manga..haha
2. Shops in orchard..where I get my clothes..
3. Kinokuniya
4. hmm...I can't think of anything else..lol...OH! MAC or Clinique!

Name 4 animals that you've come face-to-face with in real life:
1. Cats
2. Dogs.
3. Fishes.
4. Monitor lizard in nature reserve

Name 4 things in your wallet/purse:
1. Cards, lots of them..my debit card, my nets card, my membership cards, name cards, ezlink card, my student card....
2. money lah~
3. receipts...always forget to take them out..haha
4. Calendar...yah..hahah

Thats all for now..lol

ironyv at Saturday, April 16, 2005


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